Comparing myself to last year, I understood that this 2021 helped develop myself on so many incredible levels. I had some major fails in the previous year and I can say that I struggled.
I felt very bad due to covid, I was afraid and scared for my family, my mental health was not in good position, I had problems with the sport I train and love, then school and people in it made me feel like I was trapped, and I did not get the scholarship I really wanted and really worked hard for. Some very bad news were told to me on New Years celebration and I was really at my low point.
I was the opposite of optimistic and I was very unhappy with my life. I also judged myself and I couldn't stop comparing myself to others. I hated the way I look and I hated the way I am. I really couldn't understand myself and I was my biggest enemy. I had amazing people by my side but no one can help you If you don't accept the help and firstly If you don't help yourself.
Now, I expected the hell from 2021 but it was actually one of my best years. I am only 16 and I know that life is in front of me but from what I lived by now I need to say that 2021 deserves credit for being amazing year. Firstly, I lost this scholarship and I found out that on New Years eve and I was disappointed in myself. I am big self-critic and I can be very toxic for myself sometimes and I was when I found out this 'fail'. At the time I couldn't understand that losing scholarship was everything but not fail.
It took me few days to accept that I didn't get it and few more days to get over it. I am type of person who does not give up easily especially when I care about something. So 2021 starts and soon after Red Cross provided me to meet British ambassador. I did great at that event and that was the first time after a long time that I felt proud of myself.
Next was my activation in UNICEF project and after it I got selected to be part of European Debate school. I was afraid because I had very low self-esteem and I did not believe I would be called to participate but actually I got in and this school gave me amazing life experiences. I will make special post about it because I made amazing friends and I found my other passion, debate.
After debate school, I got in philosophy school which made me read type of books I would never read and honestly John Galt school is something I am very grateful for as well.
My next stop was getting out of my karate comfort zone and I decided to transfer from my old club to new, more impulsive one. I love that decision.
On the other hand, my social life got better in this mental health way. I felt free to go out again, I started to enjoy my hometown again, I felt comfortable with myself and with the way I was perceived and understood as a individual. I met so many interesting people. Then I had awesome summer, honestly best summer ever. I am super grateful for that.
In the meantime I opened my website and here I am writing for you.
I became so much more loveable and I started to understand things more deeply, to wish for things for better and deeper reasons. I met people who inspire me and I found myself and dreams again. Even I know that hard periods of my life will come again and maybe they are going to be even harder I thing I am finally ready to face them with more courage and strength than before.
I did not even mention everything that this year gave me but I really want to say thank you and I am so happy and thankful for you dear 2021.
Even If we have three more months, my favorite number is 9 and I wanted to show my gratitude in the ninth month of the year.
Till next post,
T
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